[MUSIC] On a dreary day in February 1997, I drove my ancient tabby cat named Spy to the veterinarian for euthanasia. The word inconsolable barely describes how I felt. Although I also lived with two other cats at the time, Spy was special. We've been through a lot together because I couldn't bear to bring the empty cat carrier home with me. I left it at the veterinarian's office. The next morning, I pulled myself together enough to teach my classes. In the department office, the administrative assistant noticed my red puffy eyes and asked what was wrong. I broke down in tears, as I explained. She nodded and told me how sad she had felt the last time she had to say goodbye to a pet cat. They get to be just like family, she told me. I thanked her for her understanding but I thought to myself no, not like family. He was my family. In surveys of pet owners, the majority feel as I did, and still do, they currently regard their pets as family members or friends, rather than say, as property. The pet as friend or a member of the family is a common trope. So one could argue that we're just borrowing the figure of speech. And that it's impossible for an animal to truly be a friend or a family member. But this assumes an anthropocentric definition of friend and family member. And points out how animals can't measure up. However, by looking at our interactions with animals we regard in these ways, we can understand something important about both friendship and family membership. We can understand how we do those relationships, regardless of species. Let's take friendship first. Think about the practices that characterize friendship. In other words, think about what we do with our human friends. We enjoy being with them. We want to do things together. If you've enjoyed a walk in the park with a dog or you've napped with a cat on your lap, you've engaged in a mutually rewarding activity. We're not necessarily talking about doing the same kinds of activities you do with another person. Your cat won't enjoy going out for coffee with you, but he or she will enjoy your company in other ways. Along with spending time together, one of the things human friends do is make eye contact with each other. This is an important aspect of human interaction of all sorts. It indicates interest in the other. Dogs are experts at making eye contact with us and can melt even the hardest of hearts. There's research suggesting that the eye contact increases levels of oxytocin in both the human and the dog, making them both feel warm and fuzzy. With cats because their vision works differently, making them interested mainly in moving objects. They don't seem to seek out eye contact the way dogs do. But one thing cats can do as well as dogs is follow the human gaze to locate an object of interest such as a tree. So imagine you having coffee with a friend, and your friend fixes their gaze on something off to one side. After a moment, you'll look too to see what your friend is looking at. With your dog or your cat, they will look at an object. Now, it has to be something interesting to them, so probably food. If you point at it or you turn your head to look at it, this shows that they're interested in knowing what you find interesting. And this is something that also appears with our human friends. Dogs demonstrate the ability to share intentions, feelings and other mental states with their human companions. And thus come to know them as conscious, purposeful partners in interaction. Pets actively reshape routines and practices in households and families. The dependency of animals brings obligations to provide care through activities such as feeding, walking, and other activities that intimately connect people and pets. Many pets have access to areas of the home once reserved for humans, such as bedrooms and bathrooms. Most Western pet owners report that their dogs and/or cats frequently or occasionally sleep in bed with them. And as family members individual pets uniquely influenced domestic rituals. This can involve the mundane such as finishing the milk at the bottom of the bowl. Or the noteworthy, like when pets receive their own gifts at holidays. Pets also influence the interiors of homes. Long designed solely as human domains, many homes now include species-specific furniture such as beds for dogs. And climbing trees, perches, and scratching posts for cats. Some people solidify the sense of kinship by referring to their pets as children and themselves as pet parents. Even using the terms mom or dad. Even people who avoid calling themselves pet parents include their dogs and cats in family photos. Finally, as family members, pets become irreplaceable. Although families may include many different pets over time, each animal is considered a unique individual whose death is met with grief and mourning. Because animals are regarded as both possessions and sentient beings, their status as family members is often conditional. It depends on their compliance with the Code of Conduct humans established for them. Problems related to cleanliness, training, shedding, house soiling, aggression, chewing, barking and other animal behaviors can strain and even terminate their inclusion in families. Moreover, changes in work schedules or the arrival of a baby can turn pet care into a burden, and strain emotional connections. Millions of pets who were once family members or who were unable to attain that status end up in animal shelters each year. Considering animals as friends and family members means that they're involved as animals, not as surrogate children or furry human beings. Thinking about animals in this way doesn't descend to humans who still maintain responsibilities, establish rules, and provide care. Recognizing animals as friends and family members reveals that social life is always lived in more than human contexts.
