[MUSIC] How do you know you've influenced someone? Their behavior changes. But how do you change someone's behavior? When I first started coaching over a decade ago, I was so focused on changing my client's behavior. Then I realized that as soon as they left the sessions, they'd go straight back to doing what they were doing before. Why? Because I hadn't shifted what really mattered. You see, it's like a tree, a person's behavior is like the leaves of the tree. Obvious and easy to see. However, to influence a person's behaviors, you need to understand their attitudes to their behaviors. Or how they feel about their behaviors. Their attitudes are like the branches of the tree. Still visible, but not as obvious as the leaves themselves. How do you then influence their attitudes? By focusing on their beliefs. Like the trunk of the tree, a persons beliefs are firm, strong, and almost immovable, unless you understand what influences them. Can you guess? That's right, their values. Change their values and everything changes. Why, because values are what's important. You're motivated by your values, you'll do anything for your values. You'll obtain and expend resources for your values. But values like the roots of a tree are mostly invisible even to the person who has them. Because they're stored at the unconscious level. Sociologist, Morris Massey, identified three distinct periods during which our values are developed. The imprint period up to the age of seven which we are most interested in. I'll get to that in a moment. The modelling period between the ages of eight and 13 where we copy others and decide what we like, and what we don't like. And the socialization period between 13 and 21 years. Where we're influenced by our peers and look to move away from our earlier programming. Interestingly, 75 years earlier, in 1890, William James who was considered by many as the father of American psychology. Identified the same stages, but he also added the business persona between the ages of 21 to 35, where we develop our work personality. But getting back to the period between zero to seven years, this is when we're in our programming years. We spend most of our time in alpha and theta brainwave frequencies. We're in this super learning state, open to suggestion where we're like sponges absorbing everything from our environment. During this period, we're programmed by our parents, caregivers, siblings and immediate community. This is where we formulate our values. They remain at an unconscious level, and yet they inform every decision we make, the goals we set and our ability to achieve them. Now, like the roots of a tree, just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they don't exist or they're not important. As I said, they are the most important part of your decision making process. [MUSIC] How do we find out what these unconscious values are? By questioning a person, and asking them what's important to you about? We need to be persistent until we get to the root of the subject we're addressing. You may continue to ask what else is important to you about? What else is important to you about? What else is important to you about, and so on. Ask them until they run out of options three times. They may think they've told you everything but it's deep in their unconscious. This helps the other person qualify what's important to them, what they value. You're helping them make the unconscious conscious. So number one, find out what their values are? Number two, find out what order they're in from most important to least important. And number three, find out what those values mean. For example, if you were talking to someone, they say they want something quickly. That could mean an hour, a day, a week, within the month, who knows? You need to find out what they mean by quickly. When you understand what they value, you can make them an offer which fits their criteria. They'll then feel safe to accept your proposal. If they don't accept it or the response is not what you're after. You haven't understood their values well enough. Go back to questioning them and monitor their behavior. Remember, keep it ethical and mutually beneficial. [MUSIC]
