[MUSIC] Welcome back. In this module, we're going to look at three of the discoveries, or epiphanies that are a part of the sustainable desired change process, The Intentional Change Theory, that we haven't covered so far. So if I go to the model, what you'll note is that we've already done a module, and some exercises, and assignments on the ideal self, personal vision. In a latter module in this course, we'll be looking at shared vision. Also up til now, we've done two modules on the relationships that help us engage in sustained desire change. So we're looking at again is how do we help ourselves and others move through this process. Because it is moving through this process in iterations that helps us with a sustainable part of desirable change. And we continue to ask the question, what helps us move? From one stage to the other, and these are the tipping points we talked about. And how if we don't move within a stage in, in terms of the tipping points, move to the positive emotional attractors, we end up draining ourselves of the energy that makes it possible to move forward. So what we want to do, is to as we cross into new stages, burst into them with the positive emotional attractors. The dominant sense about it, open ourselves up, practice some, go into the negative emotional attractor, and then come back to the positive as we prepare for the next change. So now let us look at the second stage of discovery, the, the real self. How am I coming across? And this is very often something that is not that easy to see. Because people around us give us cues to different selves that we are portraying. I know it sounds funny; how can you have multiple selves? Well, sometimes people say, think about your different roles in life. I'm a mother. I'm director of an agency. I'm a wife or partner. I'm a chairperson of, of a group in this professional association. I'm a member of this community group. You may or not act consistently in each of these places. And of our colleges, Hermi Ebara, from Inciot, has talked about this as multiple selves. And certainly professional women, still have to deal with more multiple selves than most professional men. Because of some of the structural and other forms of sexism in our society. And members of visible minority groups in any culture have often multiple selves, because of the different social identity groups. So the challenge and the real self is how do you get information, about how you are coming across. And how to you contrast that with what I call the faux self. And the faux self ends up being those images you have about yourself that you begin to adjust to in small ways, that end up having you have a sense about yourself that's really distorted. I mean, like one of the people we told the story about when an executive in the Resonant Leadership book, saw himself as the go to person. He felt he was the one in the company that every time they wanted to get something done, they gave him the job. What he didn't realize that everybody else thought he was a real jerk, kind of a pompous fool, and tried to avoid him. So the difference between his faux self versus how he was really coming across was quite dramatic. With people that don't have a lot of experience in life and don't get a lot of feedback or solicited feedback from others, sometimes its hard to see what that is. So there are exercises like assessment centers, or things where you videotape yourself in simulations to see how you are acting. But from a mind from this perspective you can explore this far easier. Over coffee or some relaxed setting. A different people who worked for you, who work around you, peers, board members. How am I coming across? And, if you ask in a way, in which you are inviting things, that are working and things that are not working, you help to get a more realistic view, or balanced view. And, in that sense, you want to have some personal balance sheet coming out of this second discovery, a set of your strengths, and to see your weaknesses. And, by the way, one of the things you have to be careful about is, in this assessment of yourself, to make sure that you're covering all the strengths. Scott Taylor, professor at the University of Mexico, is yet again shown in a series of recent publications that professional women are under estimators. They tend to see themselves as less capable than others see them. Professional men, on the whole, are overestimators. So one of the things we have to do is be careful about this under over estiation bias. To a large extent, our strengths and our weaknesses are like a yin yang. They're in the cntext of each other. And you always have to be careful about the fact. That any strength, taken to an extreme can become a weakness. Emotional self control is very important. But if a person practices too much emotional self control, they shrivel, and they're inactive. Self confidence is important to engender a certain faith and belief, in the vision, the mission, hope for the organization. And yet, self confidence taken to an extreme becomes arrogance. So, keeping in mind this yin yang of our strengths and weaknesses is useful. As we have a personal balance sheet, we enter into learning agenda, the third discovery. I had warned you in one of the earlier modules that we should be careful that this is not a performance improvement plan, because that usually invokes a person's sense of what they should be doing. This is about something you look forward to trying, but there are a number of traps that get in the way. I mean, a lot of us are into planning, and there are all sorts of planning systems out there that have been sold to us over television, or through consultants. It's not as simple as coming up with a to-do list. So, for example, Annie Mckey, in her doctoral dissertation, in 1990, was able to document and show, and we wrote about it in our 2005 book, she and I did, resident leadership. That people have different planning styles, knowing your planning style helps. She was able to show, in a population of graduate management students, from a wide variety of sectors. That about 25% of the population planned by setting specific, measurable goals, which she called objectives oriented planning. About 25% planned by what another doctoral alum and friend of mine, Michael McCalsky showed in one of his early articles, is domain and direction planning. You talk about some place you would like to move toward, but without the specificity of a target, or a deadline. And others are more task planners. They actually don't like to think about the end state. They like to think about what are the actions, or activities I'm going to do along they way. And then there's about 25% that are more existentialist, non-planners. They believe that somehow forces in life or God will take care of them. The dilemma is that specific goals and targets are motivating if you're an objectives oriented planner. And they are demotivating if you're a domain and direction, or task planner. So one of the issues to reflect on, and I'd suggest you think about it right now. Is what kind of a planning style do you enjoy the most. And again, I'll give you the three types to look for and then we'll pause for a bit so you can reflect on it. One objectives oriented planning. Do you find that you get energized by having a specific target with a deadline. Do you find domain and direction? That you're energized by having a direction and a desired state you're moving toward. Do you find that you're energized by the activities or the tasks? What are the differences? Objectives oriented planning, I want them to be in Chicago by 3:00p.m on Friday. Domain and direction, I want to head west, and I'd like to be in Chicago before the weekend. Activity planning, I want to call the travel agent, I want to go online, I want to figure out what the flight options are, then I want to call my friends in Chicago and find out when it's convenient for me to come there. Then I'll book the ticket. Then I'll make the ground transportation reservations. Then I'll let them know the details. So, and again, if you don't do the exercise, you're not going to get the benefit out of this. I'd like you to hit the pause button and reflect on which planning style seems to be the most engaging for you. And it's possible that you might have one preferred planning style in one aspect of your life, and a different in another. Feel free to note that. Go ahead, hit the pause button. Welcome back. Besides planning styles, another thing that can get in the way of more joyful looking for the future, creating a learning agenda, is action planning. What actions are you going to do? And for that, a number of us have found the learning styles inventory, developed by David Cole, of Case Western Reserve University. really helps us to think through what's our preferred learning style? And it helps us to know what kind of actions are really motivational at what stage in the learning or change process. I'm concrete and reflective in my learning style, so I like to be imbedded in a project or an activity. I don't necessarily like to have a theory at the beginning. I like to develop a font, a framework or a model later. So it makes it very different in terms of what the early first, second, third activity I might do in trying to learn something new. It's very different that friends of mine who want an overall picture of the whole thing at the beginning, or abstract learners. And then they go into the other parts of the learning cycle. So the whole thing about the learning agenda is not only that this has to be something that you're looking forward to. As soon as you introduce obligation into it, you start to move into the negative emotional attractor. Why are there so many ghastly number of obese people, and even not just obese but overweight people in the United States of America. In the world right now, but in the United States. It's because every time people set a goal to lose weight they can't. Why? It's a negatively framed goal. When I was working with alcoholics and drug addicts in the 70's. As a therapist I knew that they had to stay sober and clean, but if that's all they did, if that was the only reason for doing it, it's very likely within six months, they'd be back drinking or using. It had to involve something bigger. Besides being sober, and being clean, something that pulled them toward it, a positive, exciting goal, a learning agenda. 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