4.11 Idea of Intimacy 1

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From the course by University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

90 ratings

University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

90 ratings

This course provides an introduction to: 1. Basic concepts of The Strategies and Skills Learning and Development System (SSLD), their relevance for every day relationships and provide advanced concepts for participants who work in fields of social work and health care . 2. Basic practice principles and methods of SSLD, illustrated by relationship management case studies. 3. The SSLD framework for relationship management assessment; N3C (needs, circumstances, characteristics, capacity) and problem translation. 4. Core competencies in the relationship management application of the SSLD system: Observation learning, simulation, real life implementation, review and monitoring.

From the lesson

Module 4 - Building Relationships that Work for You

This module addresses relationship building based on communication, reception, and expression skills learned in Module 3. Additional topics on relationship problems will also be discussed.

4.10 Intimacy3:43

4.11 Idea of Intimacy 13:58

4.12 Idea of Intimacy 22:08

4.13 Fear of Intimacy3:13

4.14 Fear of Commitment2:43

4.15 Building Intimacy4:28

4.16 The Role of Physical Intimacy3:14

4.17 Intimacy and Sharing of Personal Difficulties2:45

4.18 Physical Intimacy and Presence5:33

4.19 SSLD Strategies for Building & Maintaining Relationships5:21

Meet the Instructors

A. Ka Tat Tsang
Founder of the SSLD System; Professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Social Work in the Global Community
Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work

All right, so I'm really glad that you kind of drove home the point that everyone has

their own subjective ideals.

And I guess with that said,

I'm kind of curious to know what are your relationship ideals?

>> Well yeah, I have to really say this.

Only until very recently that I have become aware that the ideal

that I subscribe to is not actually very popularly shared.

[LAUGH] So like in this course we have talking about, you know, social scripts,

and you know like how people are like heavily influenced by what they learn.

And the kind of ideals that the society reinforces.

So my personal take, I think it can be summarized in a few keywords.

The first important idea that I have is Being.

And to me an ideal relationship, when you're really close with someone.

The most important thing is for you to be able to be who you really are and

to be accepted as who you are and what you stand for.

I think that is the ideal relationship.

Because an ideal relationship is one in which both

parties can become fully who they really are.

So I think that is the first thing.

The other point,

which is sort of like sometimes creates a tension with what I just said, right?

Because who and what you are, it can change, because we grow.

But then, not everyone wants to grow.

Some people are actually afraid of growing, because growth involves change.

And it also involves in many cases taking risk, moving into uncertainty.

It can also mean danger, or like you're moving into the unfamiliar.

But to me a good relationship should be growth-enhancing.

There are like theologians and you know, counselors, psychotherapists and

theorists, specifically I'm talking about people like Carl Rogers.

Who believe that if a relationship is not growth-enhancing,

it probably isn't even a relationship that's worth having.

[LAUGH] And you probably should think of like quitting and be somewhere else.

That's kind of extreme but I tend to agree with him.

Like I think a good relationship should be growth-enhancing.

So that is the other keyword.

For that to happen, of course,

the relationship has to develop sort of like a life of its own.

So that it has the power, the capacity, to actually support or

enhance the participants to grow in it.

And I would say, I already mentioned about acceptance.

And the other key thing is that although people do change,

a certain level of trust is important.

So that you feel that like this is a safe space for me to be who I am and I can like

express certain aspects of myself.

Without worrying about being judged, being rejected,

being punished for being who I am.

So I think that is another key idea.

And, of course, when you bring all this back together in the SSLD model,

we will always say that for this to really happen,

you obviously need to have very good communication.

Because you know, how you're going to express yourself.

Is your expression of self-being accurately understood or received?

So those are the things that we cover in this course.

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