4.23 Happenings or Rituals?

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From the course by University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

129 ratings

University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

129 ratings

This course provides an introduction to: 1. Basic concepts of The Strategies and Skills Learning and Development System (SSLD), their relevance for every day relationships and provide advanced concepts for participants who work in fields of social work and health care . 2. Basic practice principles and methods of SSLD, illustrated by relationship management case studies. 3. The SSLD framework for relationship management assessment; N3C (needs, circumstances, characteristics, capacity) and problem translation. 4. Core competencies in the relationship management application of the SSLD system: Observation learning, simulation, real life implementation, review and monitoring.

From the lesson

Module 4 - Building Relationships that Work for You

This module addresses relationship building based on communication, reception, and expression skills learned in Module 3. Additional topics on relationship problems will also be discussed.

4.20 To Grow or Not to Grow?3:28

4.21 Growth and Intimacy2:12

4.22 Stability or Excitement?3:20

4.23 Happenings or Rituals?2:42

4.24 Achieving Win-Win Arrangements3:29

Meet the Instructors

A. Ka Tat Tsang
Founder of the SSLD System; Professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Social Work in the Global Community
Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work

And so you just mentioned something called happenings,

can you just elaborate on what that is?

>> A happening is something that is not usual.

That is not routine, right? And something happens, right?

So say for example, if you celebrate your birthday

every year you go to the same bakery.

You get the same like I don't know like chestnut or blueberry cake.

And like you brew the same coffee. You invite the same people.

That is a birthday party, but is not a happening, right?

It is an event, right?

A happening is like something that is not routine.

It can be planned, it can be staged, but

like it is something that is unusual, right?

>> Yeah.

So you do things slightly differently.

Like a surprise party may be

a happening. But if you have a surprise party every year [LAUGH] for

your birthday then it.

It doesn't like, it doesn't come across as a surprise anymore.

And it's not a happening.

So, and I know that I'm very biased here. Like I think happenings are great, right?

But then of course there are people who do not want happenings.

People who want things to be predictable.

They want things to be routine, right?

And so yeah, I understand that.

Like, I'm a happening’s person.

But like there are also people who really value, like doing things the same way.

And I have some respect for that because one of the things

that people are beginning to understand better is the role of rituals.

And you know that certain rituals are basically the same sequence of events that

had happened or they are performed over and over for

hundreds of years or maybe over a thousand years, right? >> right.

People are practicing these traditional rituals, and it still

carries a certain force.

It also has an impact on people and makes people feel a sense of stability.

And then the other thing, which we

haven't really been talking too much about in this course, is the sense of community.

Although we're talking about relationships.

So, very often when people are negotiating a relationship, some people

have deliberately chosen to follow a certain script, a certain pattern.

Because by doing so, they feel that they are part of a community.

So, one obvious example is when you talk about religious community.

So like some people practice the same religious rituals,

which may also condition and govern their intimacy behaviour.

When they do that, they feel that they're part of the community and

they both want that, and that would be fine.

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