6.17 Affairs: Part 2 - Affairs and Beyond

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From the course by University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

93 ratings

University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

93 ratings

This course provides an introduction to: 1. Basic concepts of The Strategies and Skills Learning and Development System (SSLD), their relevance for every day relationships and provide advanced concepts for participants who work in fields of social work and health care . 2. Basic practice principles and methods of SSLD, illustrated by relationship management case studies. 3. The SSLD framework for relationship management assessment; N3C (needs, circumstances, characteristics, capacity) and problem translation. 4. Core competencies in the relationship management application of the SSLD system: Observation learning, simulation, real life implementation, review and monitoring.

From the lesson

Module 6 - Relationships & Self

The final module covers various topics related to relationships, including love, sexuality, intimacy, and relationship problems.

6.12 Instrumental Relationships6:07

6.13 Relationship Problems - Communication4:43

6.14 A Case on Relationship Problem3:03

6.15 Dealing with Relationship Problems6:19

6.16 Affairs: Part 15:37

6.17 Affairs: Part 2 - Affairs and Beyond3:40

6.18 Dysfunctional Relationships6:31

6.19 The Challenges of Transformation and Change2:33

6.20 It all comes back to the self: The SSLD ideal3:21

Concluding the Course2:06

Meet the Instructors

A. Ka Tat Tsang
Founder of the SSLD System; Professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Social Work in the Global Community
Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work

Could you give me an example maybe of

what that type of negotiation would look like? >> Well say for example if we have

someone is having an affair, right?

So that tells you that this person is seeking some kind of gratification.

That is not being met in the current relationship.

I think an open way of exploring is like, yeah, I can see that

people can become angry and disappointed, hurt and all that, you would act emotionally.

But by the end of the day what should be opened up is to

give this person an opportunity to reflect on why am I doing this?

What needs are not being met?

And is there any possibility that some kind of transformation, a rearrangement,

can be made in this current relationship so that those needs can be met? >> right.

So that is a lot of the kind of reframing that we believe would be helpful.

It doesn't always work, you know, for

some people because they are heavily invested into certain scripts and

they think that an affair is like something that is just unacceptable.

>> Right. Right, and

some people will automatically switch from, okay,

you are having an affair, that's the end of the story, I'm quitting, you know?

But we have also seen couples who have survived an affair,

or even affairs, when they're able to renegotiate.

What can we do together to make this relationship more gratifying,

so that you would not need to explore

outside of this relationship.

But of course when I'm saying all this, I'm still operating within

the generally accepted social script of a one-on-one,

sort of monogamous kind of relationship. >> right.

And there are obviously people who can imagine themselves in

an alternate script in which it is possible for one or

both partners to have more than one relationship at the same time. >> right.

So that creates another possibility for people to renegotiate.

So kind of in that way it's like an affair essentially could be an opportunity

for someone to really drastically communicate their needs to their partner

but also opportunity for them to communicate with each other, negotiate

something that works for both of them.

>> Yeah, I definitely can see that but again I think

we also do not want to risk of like over idealizing. >> Sure.

You know, an affair, for some people it is sort of something

that they do not take or they can not take and

I respect that too if that is your script and that's your set of rules.

I think everyone has a right to say that there is something that I do not accept.

>> Mm-hm. And when this happens, I quit.

I obviously would encourage most people to rethink, right?

>> Right.

And look at the overall situation.

But I think that is a position I think that has to be respected.

I just realize that there are like more than one position that people can take.

And it would be good to have them, like, all put on the table, so

that people have more options.

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