Hello everyone, welcome to this section. We are going to explore the process of developing a game plan based on a strategies and skills learning and development as SSLD system. Even though we emphasize on how to develop your game plan but don't forget we don't always need a game plan in order to have a successful relationship. My name is Teresa Lau. I'm a student at the University of Toronto, a research assistant in the SSLD team, as well as a curious and passionate learner like you. In this section, we'll be learning how to design our relationship implying together, but before we start we need to be aware of the social script. Social script is some form of unspoken rules and social interaction which may intervene our relationship building process even without ourself noticing. Not following a social script may result in negative consequences. However, it's not necessary to follow a social script. It is necessary to follow a social script. We can always assign our own script, as we all have different N3C needs, circumstances, characteristics, and capacity. We need to have a plan that can choose our N3Cs. If you want to know more about N3C, please visit other course materials. We can't emphasize more on how your decision shapes your game plan. In this session, you are going to embark a journey of making your game plan, which consists of 3 dimensions, who, where and how. Let's talk about who first. Who will you deem as a good match for you in a relationship? Do they have to share similar values and interests, or a similar culture, or religious background? Or a similar education or professional level? And more importantly, do they have to understand your needs? There are quite a lot of questions you need to ask yourself and we obviously have different answers. Physical appearance may matter more to one person than to the other. Some may look for people who belong to a particular social group. All these questions are pointing towards one direction. Do you have any preference when it comes to relationship? If you ever wonder what social characteristics are, examples include age, social status, wealth or income, education, occupation, ethnicity, and relationship status. While physical appearance and social characteristics are factual and easy to discover, one's personality can take a longer time to reveal. While you have some sort of preference in relationship building, don't forget that preference can be seen as prejudice. On the other hand, preferences are understood as one's characteristics in the SSLD system. So in the SSLD system, preferences are considered as your characteristics, for sure, we'll all have our unique characteristics. Are you someone who is uncomfortable with differences? Or are you someone who is open and curious about differences? For some of us who are more inclined to familiarity and predictability, they may prefer associating themselves with someone who is quite similar. But for those of us who are more open and curious about differences, they wouldn't mind taking risk and trying something new. There is no right or wrong, no matter which side you're in the spectrum, understanding your capacity to deal with differences is the most important key. As a matter of fact, there are always similarities and differences between two individuals. There is always difference between two individuals. Knowing your N3C gives you a better idea of who you want to be in a relationship with. But in general there are some qualities we usually find in a good intimate partner. Someone who understands your needs and accepts who you are. Interested in you as a person and the things that you do. Supports you physically and emotionally. Other factors that may contribute to a good relationship include novelty, excitement, happiness, stability, and security. Aside from the who question, we always encounter another harder question when initiating a date, the where question. Where shall we go for a date activity? Does it need to be expensive, luxurious? Places where you go need not to be luxurious, expensive gifts as well as deluxe dining experience are unnecessary too. Let's think of this situation, we don't go to high-end restaurant that often and you don't understand how dining etiquette works. But you initiate a data night at a fine dining place anyways, we guess you feel obliged to do so. What will most likely happen, you have a pretty high chance of screwing up something which is embarrassing. Therefore, it's more important to pick up a place that can bring out the best out of yourself and showcase your personality than spending hundreds on dinner, flowers and gifts. Speaking about space, we would also like to explore the difference between physical space and virtual space. While we always focus on the physical space and relationship building we can't undermine the importance of virtual space. Depending on your plan, whether it is going to a concert, cruising on a boat or dancing in a jazz bar, consider a setting that will bring out the best of you. Virtual space emphasizes on our psychological and interpersonal space, which gives us another dimension when we are thinking about relevance of space in a relationship. Virtual space is significant and intimate. In the SSLD system we emphasize all the uniqueness of everyone. You are not obliged to open up if you feel uncomfortable or threatening. Let's move on to the third part of the session, the how question. How to have a meaningful and effective way to engage with your significant other is one of the most commonly asked questions. Through the lens of the SSLD system we're about to discover how you and your partner's N3C impact your relationship engagement. As we all have different needs and goals, we have different needs profiles even between couple. However, the compatibility of user’s needs profiles plays a significant role in long-term viability of the relationship. It is because complementary need profiles improve the chance of long-lasting relationships. However, perfectly complementary relationships are very rare. Negotiation is required in order to continue meeting each other's needs effectively. Aside from the compatibility of needs profiles, trust is another critical element in terms of relationship building, especially when one partner discloses information to another partner. Therefore maintaining an open and safe environment is the cornerstone of building trust in a relationship. Also engaging in shared activities can strengthen the bond between the couple. Seeking for some activities that interest both of you help build a stronger relationship. The process of engagement should lead to exchange of information as well as a deeper understanding about each other. Nonetheless, engaging in shared activities does not automatically lead to deeper understanding if the couple is barely communicating. Shared experiences can play a highly emotional and significant role in our relationships ranging from going on an adventure or just a romantic data night on Valentine's Day. These are the signifying acts that may foster positive affect, care, and love, therefore signifying as a crucial and strengthening relationship. Also, sharing your core principles, ideas, and beliefs with your loved one makes a difference. It is because sharing is a form of communication that emphasizes mutuality. The breadth and the depth of sharing progress with the development of the relationship. Even though we just highlighted some elements of building a emotionally connected relationship, we understand others' fear of getting hurt or feeling rejected in such an intensive relationship. In the SSLD approach, you do not have to follow the conventional relationship pattern if your current relationship status satisfies your needs. Let's try the following simulation exercise. In this exercise, try to apply the SSLD approach to this example about a first date. Let's say you met someone who you found attractive and is able to satisfy your N3C. You will like to initiate first date, what should you consider? These are just some of the concerns while initiating first date. Remember, relationship is not a one size fits all item. Your game plan could consist of elements which are outside of the discussion we have today, and it is unnecessary to have a game plan either. This is all we have for today. I hope you enjoyed this journey and have a better understanding of how the SSLD system adopts a different lens to decode relationship building. Thank you.
