No matter what emotion education we receive growing up, it's important to be aware that we carry those messages with us. That's why it's important to continue our emotion education by treating our own and others' emotions scientifically. Just as scientists rely on facts, and are curious, inquisitive, and analytical, educators and school staff who are emotions scientists seek to understand and observe without judgment. Emotion scientists use active listening to obtain information by asking others how they're feeling, and by paying careful attention to others' words, expressions, and actions. They think long and hard about their own emotions too, always seeking to better understand their own emotional lives. Emotion scientists evaluate different ways of handling their emotions through trial and error, and strive to discover helpful ways to deal with their own emotions. Emotions scientists also recognize and attempt to undo their own judgmental tendencies. They refrain from quick assumptions or telling others how they feel. They question the source of their own thoughts and opinions about other people's emotions, and they're willing to be proven wrong with evidence. They're open to changing their beliefs and opinions based on data. Here is the big question, are you an emotion scientist or are you an emotion judge? Or maybe you're an emotion scientist sometimes, and emotion judge in other times. For instance, some people say they're an emotion scientist with their acquaintances, but [emotion] judges with the people they care about and love the most. Think about it. Imagine the following scenario, you're handing back graded quizzes, when a student with poor grades, crumples theirs up, knocks over the desk, stamps out of the classroom, and slams the door. You go out in the hallway to de-escalate the student. What do you do first? Take a minute and consider what you would say. Perhaps you offer a strategy for calming down, taking a walk, getting a drink, deep breaths. Perhaps you told the student the behavior was unacceptable, and sent them to the office. Perhaps you approached with a question, "Why are you angry?" or "What made you so angry?" These aren't bad attempts, but let's back up. Do you know that the child is angry? Can you be sure that is the correct feeling? The answer should be no. Not yet. A child who feels their grade was unfair might be angry, but a child who feels frustrated that they're not good enough may have responded with the same behavior, so could have a fearful child who will be punished severely by their parents when they bring home a bad grade, or a child whose bully saw the grade, and feels humiliated. Suddenly, you're hastily-offered strategy is highly disconnected. Taking a walk to calm down is not enough for the child who is fearful of retribution. Asking children why they are mad when they're not might influence their emotion education potentially in a harmful way. There's a phrase that can help when trying to be more scientific with motions. "Behavior does not equal emotion." Yelling does not mean someone is angry, crying does not mean someone is sad, laughter does not mean someone is happy. The same behavior construed as anger or sadness could be an expression of passion about a cause, frustration over a blocked goal, or disappointment over unmet expectations. Sometimes we laugh whenever we are scared. As emotion scientists, we seek to find out the story behind the behavior in order to find the emotion underlying the behavior. We're curious; we want to really see and understand, and seeking to find out the story means digging deep. It means that we get to know our students, our colleagues, and others around us for who they are. We pay attention to their unique personalities, experiences, upbringing, identities, and cultures, and meet them where they are and respond accordingly. We are culturally responsive. It's not always easy. In many ways, we are hard-wired to make quick judgments based on the first thing we see, how others react and what others have told us. Our brains and impulses often automatically and unconsciously rely on quick judgments. In particular, judgments that those who are different or unfamiliar are bad or scary. They have been helpful for ancient ancestors to use these quick judgments to know when they and their families were safe versus in trouble, if they were surrounded by friends or foes. But in our modern world, these mental shortcuts and biases can lead us astray. Fortunately, we are also hard-wired for cooperation and fairness. We can retrain our brains, override unhelpful impulses and overcome fear and biases. To do this, we must be aware of the roadblocks to both approaching our emotions scientifically, and to responding to the unique needs of those around us.
