The first is positive self-talk, what is that? Self-talk is exactly as it sounds. It's the way we talk to ourselves. Self-talk is the dialogue you have with yourself, about yourself. The encouraging or discouraging things we say. It may be in our heads or spoken out loud, you may be aware of it or not. Self-talk is the background music of our day. So think for a moment, how do you talk to yourself? When you look at yourself in the mirror, are you as complimentary of yourself as you would be of a friend? When you make a mistake, what's your automatic self-talk? Are you kind to yourself, are you critical? Take a moment and write down some of your go-to phrases that you tend to say to yourself. Be honest with yourself, share the good ones and the not-so-good ones. We'll come back to these in just a few minutes. Just as we choose to rally for a sports team, we can choose to be on our own team. And one of the main ways we rally for our team is through our self-talk. Where did our self-talk come from? The quality of our self-talk often comes from what we heard about ourselves when we were a child, from our family members, teachers, and powerful adults. Perhaps you were told that you were smart, athletic, beautiful, or something else. Or perhaps you were told that you are too short, too shy, too energetic, or something else. This continues into adulthood as well. Have you been told you were a good teacher or a bad teacher, a great parent or a not-so-great parent, dependable or clueless, a good dancer, a terrible singer? Self-talk comes from societal norms around race, class, ability, gender, and other attributes deemed to be good, competent, worthy, or smart. A lot of what we know about ourselves comes from what others share back. How else can we truly know if a presentation was clear or a joke was funny without getting feedback? The trick is to realize where the messages are coming from, and to sift through them to make sure they're supportive as opposed to harmful to your self-esteem. How do we shift to the positive? Sadly, for many of us, our self-talk can be quite harsh, nothing like how we would actually talk to our friend, or to our students, or to our children. Negative self-talk looks like some of these harmful or discouraging judgments about ourselves. I can't believe I did that, I can't possibly do this. I'm not worthy, I'm not enough. It'll never work out, nothing ever works out, the list goes on. Positive self-talk, though, is the encouraging thing we say to ourselves. Positive self-talk boosts the spirits, raises confidence, and perhaps helps us find the next step forward. Research suggests that positive self-talk also can help us to solve problems, think more creatively, and hopefully help us to cope with challenges, including reducing the harmful effects of stress and anxiety. Let's take a look at what some educators have shared about shifting their negative self-talk to positive self-talk. Do these sound familiar? Educator A, when I make a mistake, I say, usually out loud, but sometimes to myself, I'm such an idiot. I never noticed it until recently, and after I did, I noticed that my mother and my own son started saying it, too. That is not the type of legacy I'd like to carry out for my family tree. So I've challenged us all to shift to a new self-talk. Everyone makes mistakes, what can I learn from this and do differently next time? Educator B, when I'm dealing with a student with challenging needs, I sometimes find myself saying, I can't help this child, the need is too great. Instead, I could ask, what can I do in this moment to make this child feel safe and cared for at school? What can I control in this child's life to support them? Educator C, lately, I hear myself saying, I'm overwhelmed and can't give enough to my job or to my family. But now I'm trying to remind myself, I'm a great educator, parent, and partner. I'm doing the best I can, and many people value and appreciate me. Educator D, I can get really frustrated or overwhelmed, and then I'll say things like, I'm never going to be able to complete this task, I'm being pulled in way too many directions. What can I tell myself instead is, I can do this, one task at a time. Prioritize what's most important, do your best, forget the rest. Here are some positive self-talk phrases that people have used. I'm taking one step at a time. It's okay to feel this way. I may not know the answer now, but I trust it will become clear to me eventually. When I feel like I'm spinning, I can say a gentle stop to myself. I can look at the facts to make my next best decision. I'm being the best mom, friend, son, daughter, sister, brother that I can be right now. I made a mistake, I can and will go back and repair this. I'm deserving of respect. Let's return to those self-talk phrases you wrote down a few minutes ago. Are you talking to yourself like a kind and supportive friend would? If not, what could you say instead to be a more compassionate and encouraging friend to yourself? Research shows that it can be helpful to put your name in the phrase with your positive self-talk. For example, you could say, Hakim, take the high road, or Alexandra, you can do this. Doing this helps you have empathy for yourself. What other positive self-talk statements would you like to work on, to add to your repertoire of automatic responses? Pick one or two positive statements that you can commit to practicing.
