Step 2 is helping the student with their emotions. After managing our own emotions, we then can turn our attention to supporting our students to help them manage their own emotions. But students don't always know how to talk about their feelings right away, so we can think of this step as having two parts. First, settling the activation in their body and brain so they can move out of fight, flight, or freeze. And second, connecting with their feelings. Let's look at each of these. The first part of this step is settling the high energy or activation level. None of us can think or act wisely in the heat of the moment, especially children. That means for most children, nothing we do or say will take hold until the child's activation is lowered. Here are some ideas that you might find helpful to assist them in calming the jolt in their bodies or soothing their flood of tears. And since you know your students best, you may have other ideas too-- these are just some general suggestions. Sometimes it's enough to just sit next to them or be present in a virtual room and wait quietly. Be patient. If you feel your impatience rising, focus on your own breathing. You may imagine every exhale sending positive energy. Offer a walk, a cool glass of water, or a reminder to breathe. These physical movements help calm the stress response by clearing the cortisone, but we understand that you might not always be in-person in these times. Depending on the situation, consider some helpful phrases like "You're safe here." "Take your time." "I'm here for you." "Some things really got to you, huh?" "We'll figure this out." If they're very stressed, ensuring their sense of safety and security is critical, and further processing can come at a later time. The second part is to explore the story and the feelings behind that story. Remember, our mindsets as emotion scientists mean that we are non- judgmental, curious, and open-minded. Our voice and body language can reflect this. Remember, the goal here is to understand their perspective and help give voice to their feelings. Since some students have trouble naming their feelings, again, we can start with the story. Gently unspool their version of the events. Prompts like "I noticed, you don't seem like yourself," "Can you tell me what happened? I'd like to know," "And then what happened?" can help. Once you understand your student's story around the feeling, gently shift the focus to help them name the feelings. Sometimes identifying feelings happens simultaneously with getting the story, or it may go back and forth. Remember, we can't always gauge from a child's behavior how they feel on the inside. Give them permission to have their feelings and let them know that anything they feel is okay. Having all feelings is okay. Deciding which ones to act upon comes later. It's always important to strive for accuracy of feeling words. Helping students build their emotional vocabulary is a great gift that you can give them. Not only does it support their ability to communicate, but it also makes it more likely that their real needs will be seen, heard, and met. Remember to check in with your assumptions about how the child may be feeling. Try to suspend your own ideas. Listen to understand their feelings and what may be causing them.
