[MUSIC] The 2 minute challenge we started with is a really hard one because it's so ambiguous and it's the boss's boss, and it's evaluation time. Take any of those factors out, and it becomes much less complicated. Unfortunately, life is often more complicated. Reality can be a little overrated sometimes, and this is a perfect example. Let's listen to our experts suggest some ways they might respond in this situation. So there's a line, and that line's pretty clear. I mean that leader has an obligation not to ask for those personal favors and you have every right to say no. Now, just like everything else, there's a certain amount of personal courage you have to take in saying no. And I've seen that situation in some small businesses where someone says, hey, have this person come over, or can this person come over and do that. Part of that is if it turns into a pattern, or if it's something you simply don't want to do, say no. Sometimes there's an opportunity if that leader says, hey, I understand that you know this very well. Do you think you can come over? And if they're asking you if you do these things for free, if you say, well if I'm going to do that in my off time, this is what I charge per hour. And you know, it's okay to say that, but sometimes there is an opportunity to have a direct conversation with that leader or to learn some things from that leader. So if you say I am going to do these things, make sure that there's a very direct benefit. As in hey, I'm willing to do that, but I'll tell you what. In exchange for that, I would like a two hour one on one to pick your brain about these topics. So turn it into a win. And also if it turns into something that becomes a consistent habit, yeah that may be a problem. But if they're asking you to do something once or twice or whatever and it's an opportunity to get face time or to pick that person's brain, just be explicit and say you know what, I'm more than glad to do that. But in return you have to buy me lunch, and you have to allow me to ask you how you built your career. Be explicit about it and sometimes that boss may not realize they're doing that, and you do them a favor by being evolved in showing leadership by asking for that in return and making sure they understand there's a fair exchange there. >> This is a tough one. I'd say I've seen a lot of people, and myself included, you sometimes go through extra lengths when there's a review in progress or you know that you just want to, not even if there's a review. You just want to do well for somebody to build a new ally and build strong relationships and show you're willing to do whatever it takes. I think when there's clearly something like a review in mind, it starts to say, well, am I not cutting it at the office and doing good enough work that I need to resort to getting coffee? And do I want to work in a place like this. And so I think there's a few angles on here. One is really understanding the team environment and making sure that it is actually what you think it is. So this person might just always ask for coffee, even after reviews are done, and it really has nothing to do with the reviews. You've just joined at the exact right time to where everybody feels like it's related to reviews, but this boss just refuses to get his own coffee and so, you sort of made an artificial connection that doesn't exists. So, one is double check your understanding. I think that's always a good starting point. Ask others. My hope here, is there's somebody tangential to the boss or maybe your supervisor doesn't work for the boss who could be an advocate for you here, because certainly you don't want to be going to your boss. If you have that hard conversation and script it out, I'm really tired of getting coffee so I'm going to get a top rating. No one's going to say, you're right. You got me. How can you come up with some alternate angles so that people can really have a little bit more legitimate of a conversation on, I think is the biggest to think about. >> This is the place that using the decision making framework in figuring out what the issues are and what options and resources you have can be really helpful. If you can turn it into a win go for that solution. If the request clearly crosses a boundary and there's no win in it you can see, then you have some hard choices to make. There are lines that it's really inappropriate, that you may need to take a stand, that it's important to take a stand. And there are things that are in the gray area, and that's where talking to someone wise who can speak to you confidentially and help you think it through, may be a really important path to follow. What you need to do is work through for yourself when do you have to draw a line and take a stand? And when can reframing it, or thinking about it, or trying to turn it into a win, or just living with it while you look for another job. Those are all choices. And that is going to sort out depending on what kind of advice you get and what happens as you apply the decision making framework and consult your values. Whatever you decide, remember that you'll need a personal script. This situation calls for a really good personal script. Write it down, practice it, test it. Get reactions from your resources. Talk to that mentor. Say, here's what I'm thinking of saying. How does that sound? Does it convey what I want? Does it have the right tone? Is it in a low enough emotional key? Get feedback and then use your personal script. [MUSIC]
