Hello everyone, and welcome to our next session of Women and Leadership, Inspiring Positive Change. My name is Diana Bilimoria, and I'm KeyBank Professor and Chair of Organizational Behavior, at the Weatherhead School of Management at Case Western Reserve University. Today's session will focus on another leadership tool for women, negotiating effectively. Our agenda will be to understand the gender gap in negotiating, to develop win-win negotiation skills, learn how to employ a collaborative approach to negotiating. We'll try to understand the role of emotions in negotiating. And know the key issues when women negotiate. All with the goal for helping you to develop your negotiating skills to a higher level. Let's start by defining what negotiation is. It is to confer or discuss with a view to reaching agreement. I will share with you now a series of studies, that shows a gender gap in how men and women negotiate. We'll start with a study on starting salaries, these were done by our colleagues out of Carnegie Mellon, who did a study looking at the starting salaries of students graduating with masters degrees. They found that men starting salaries was 7.6% higher than women That translated to a $4,000 difference. But the more interesting finding that they obtained, was that only 7% of women negotiated that starting salary. But 57%, which is eight times as many, men asked for more money. The frequency of negotiations differs greatly among men and women. These same researchers found that in response to the question, when was your most recent negotiation that you initiated? Men responded 2 weeks ago. Women responded 1 month ago. When was the second most recent negotiation? 7 weeks ago versus 24 weeks ago. And when is the next negotiation planned? One week ahead for men, one month ahead for women. This indicates a very large gender gap in negotiating, that men initiate four times as many negotiations as women, that men take a more active approach than women in getting what they want by asking for it, that men see negotiation as a more common event than women do. And interestingly, these findings cut across all ages, professions and education levels. Another study that was done by our colleagues at Catalyst looked at the post MBA pay gap. They looked at graduates of the MBA programs of the 26 leading business schools in Asia, Canada, Europe, and the US, and they showed right out of these programs, women made on average US $4,600 less in the initial jobs even after accounting for the experience, time since MBA, industry, and region. These salary differences was not due to different aspirations or parenthood. They found that over time, this wage gap widens to over $31,000 mid career, and without intervention, the lost pay accumulates to more than $431,000 over 40 years, these are astronomical differences, from small differences, come huge consequences. What is called the accumulation of advantage or the accumulation of disadvantage. Like interest and capital, advantages accrue. Like interest and debt, disadvantages accrue. And very small differences in treatment can, as they accumulate, have major consequences in salary, promotion, and prestige. As my colleague, Virgina Valian, has said mountains are molehills piled one on top of the other. Let me give another example, why not negotiating is very costly. Here's an example of a age 22 equally qualified male and female, who receive job offers of $25,000 U.S. a year. The male negotiates and starts at $30,000, that's a $5,000 difference. Now, let's assume that they receive 3% raises throughout their career. By age 60, that's a $15,000 gap. Men approximately $92,000. Women approximately $76,000. The male makes more all along, accumulating to more than $360,000. And if that difference had been banked at 3% a year, that would accumulate to more than $568,000 over the course of 40 years. Again, these are huge differences. Women who routinely negotiate their salary increases, will earn over $1 million more by the time they retire, than women who accept what they are offered without asking for more. It's more than money of course. For example, applicants with identical experience and performance records, but different salary histories are rated differently by employers. So even in an interview, having this exact same performance record, the exact same experience, but differently salary records is costly in an interview as well. It's also that sometimes accepting less, implies that you place less value on your own talents, qualifications, and contributions. Not being assertive on your own behalf can sometimes be can be seen as a professional weakness. It is possible that if you don't negotiate your employer may wonder about your political astuteness. When applying for jobs, it is well known that women will underestimate their capabilities, and will hold back from applying because they don't feel that they're perfectly qualified for a job. For example as Hewlett Packard study found men apply for a job when they consider themselves 60% qualified for it. But women won't raise their hands, until they feel 100% qualified. There are many opportunities to negotiate. Some of them are at work. And some of them are at home. For example at work, resources can be negotiated, projects, deadlines, work locations, work hours, developmental opportunities, leadership development for example, mentoring, ideas that you have, recognition and many, many others I'm sure. At home, there are many opportunities to negotiate as well. Chores, vacations, social activities, kids’ events, budgets, major expenses, time alone, time with family, holidays, and others as well. I invite you to just pause for a moment, and reflect on which of these have you negotiated in the past month. Sometimes, there are mistakes that women make. With regard to negotiating, such as not realizing that asking is possible. Avoiding the negotiation even when we know it's appropriate. Having somebody else do the asking. Being uncomfortable using negotiation to advance own interest. And becoming anxious or fearing the process. Putting other people's needs above their own and trying to take care of the other party in the negotiation. Holding a mindset that women should behave modestly and unselfishly and not negotiate, just accept. Another mistake is not publicizing their interests and achievements, believing that hard work alone will be rewarded. And when women do ask, they often set less aggressive goals then men do. But women are not the only ones who make the mistakes. Others make them as well. For example, if women ask they sometimes get labeled as pushy or aggressive or difficult to work with. Others sometimes undervalue women's skills and abilities. They leave women out of the information sharing networks that are necessary. Especially for advancement or leadership. Other mistakes are that they pressure women to concede more. And that the culture sometimes discourages women from asking for what they want. I invite you to take a self reflection, rating yourself from one to seven. One equals strongly disagree, to seven equals strongly agree. I feel anxious when I have to ask for something I want. Give yourself a rating. it always takes me a long time to work up the courage to ask for the things I want. Calculate your average across these two items. Here's what some of the responses to the survey findings are. 2.5 times as many women as men feel a great deal of apprehension in the face of being asked to negotiate. Women scores on the previous exercise tend to be higher, in the 5 to 7 range, than men's are. Men describe negotiating as exciting, fun, like winning a game, whereas women describe negotiation as scary, like going to the dentist. My apologies to anyone out there who's a dentist. 86% of executive women express strong negative feelings about negotiating. For example, it makes me feel insecure or nervous. Only 14% expressed any positive emotion. For example, it makes me feel powerful or assertive. How to reduce anxiety when negotiating is a common question that I'm asked in my coaching. My recommendation is to acknowledge that there are dual goals in negotiation, and find ways to achieve both, both an issue or a task related goal, as well as a relationship goal. This is very important for women, whom as we know engage more in a relational connection. So it is not a good idea to ask women to drop that. Rather, they should integrate their relationship goals with the task related goals as well. So by focusing on both goals, the dual goals in negotiation, women can become more effective in negotiating. In the second strategy for reducing anxiety about negotiating that I offer, is to ask on behalf of others. Again this is part of the relational connection that are women's strengths. By asking on behalf of other people, the team or the organization, women can be more effective and more recognizing the opportunities to negotiate with others. There are a few constructs that I want to bring up regarding negotiation. The first one is interest based negotiation which is the opposite of position based. Interest based addresses the needs and wants that underlay our positions rather than focusing on the positions themselves. By finding ways to satisfy the interest of both parties, and finding ways to maintain or improve the relationship, interest based negotiation can result in a win win. Position based often creates a stalemate or people not willing to change their positions, but when we approach it from the aspect of the interest of both parties, we can find the common ground. Of course the first step is to know what you want. Audre Lorde said, when I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. Another construct about negotiation that I would like to bring up for your attention is what is called the BATNA. BATNA refers to the best alternative to a negotiated agreement, B-A-T-N-A, BATNA. It's the course of action you'd take if a deal is not possible. That is what you can do if you fail to reach agreement. It gives you walk-away power. Those entering an negotiation must have at least a tentative answer to, what is your BATNA, before you conduct negotiations. This is very essential, because if you don't know what your BATNA is, you're not able to negotiate effectively for what you want. Another tip that I can give is that it's not just sufficient to know your BATNA, you should try to figure out the other side's BATNA. What did they have to have before they will walk away? So, some suggestions for a win win negotiation Is to reframe the negotiation as an interested-based problem solving. Equip yourself for difficult negotiations by doing your homework. Know what you want and what the other side wants and identify each's BATNA. Try not to accept the first offer given. To many this indicates your business naivety. Be creative in what creative in what you ask for. You may be able to get many things that will help you succeed. Always be pleasant and friendly in negotiations. This is particularly important for women, don't threaten. And again, my practice advice is to practice asking for more than what you would normally ask for. A couple of other suggestions for effective negotiating, is about balancing apathy and assertiveness. In a negotiation, a fundamental challenge is to strike an effective balance between empathy and assertiveness. Empathy involves effectively understanding your counterpart's perspective and expressing their viewpoint in a non-judgemental manner. And assertiveness is the ability to express an advocate for your own needs, interests, and perspectives. This is the dual goals that women find to be the most effective in negotiation. Empathy or care, or the relationship, the concern for the relationship and assertiveness of the task related, or issue focused, needs, interests, and perspectives. By balancing between these, women can be most effective in negotiation. To develop empathy, ask your counterpart to present their view before you present yours. Learn to listen without judgement. And make it clear that your understanding does not necessarily Indicate agreement to develop assertiveness. Practice your story, say out loud what you want, why and how you can help the other side meet their needs. Revise and rehearse what you say until it is strong and persuasive. And make a list of your own key points, so that you will be able to remember them when the negotiation begins. With these tips for developing empathy and assertiveness, women can achieve the duel goals of task and relationship in negotiation. I want to also now spend a few minutes on emotions in negotiation. Abundant research shows us that strong emotions lead to unproductive decision making at the bargaining table. For example, being in an angry mood, as compared to being in a neutral mood, leads us to make more simplistic and irrational decisions, blame others when things go wrong, and make overly optimistic risk estimates. in addition to anger, sadness is also an emotion that can have damaging consequences on negotiation. Sadness, like anger, also can have detrimental effects on negotiation. When we're in a sad mood, as compared to being in a neutral mood, we're more likely to sell our possessions for lower prices, we're more likely to purchase items for higher prices, and we become fixated on initial offers. These are all damaging consequences for effective negotiation. I invite you to assess your approach to conflict, to learn to identify and control your tendencies in the face of conflict. Examine whether negotiation triggers within you a tendency towards aggressiveness, accommodation, avoidance, or trying to take care of, or protect the other party. By thinking about how you're likely to respond in a particular context, you can begin to replace your unproductive negotiation strategies with more rewarding ones. These are tips that have come from the program on negotiation at the Harvard Law School. The tips on empathy and assertiveness and balancing between these, the tips about managing your emotions, so that you don't let anger or sadness or other emotions derail your negotiation outcomes, and assessing your approach to conflict, so that you can become more aware of your default strategies when you're faced with uncomfortableness or conflict. These are strategies that have been proposed by the program on negotiation at the Harvard School of Law. I want to point out a word of caution about the ways of asking that work best for women. Our colleagues at Carnegie Mellon, in their study of starting salaries of men and women graduates after Master's degrees, noted all of the studies tell us that when women go into negotiation, in addition to arming themselves with information, ideas and resolve, they must also bring along an arsenal of friendly, non-threatening social mannerisms. They must be prepared to be cooperative and interested in the needs of othersm, and they must avoid being confrontational. This does not mean that they need to back down. Again, what this points out is that the most effective ways of asking for women, tend to be those that balance empathy and assertiveness, that are indicative of the relational as well as task goals, and that women come across in ways that are friendly and non-threatening. In conclusion, reframe negotiation as interest-based problem solving with the goal of finding a win-win solution. Recognize more opportunities to negotiate. Practice how you negotiate, so that you increase your sense of self efficacy, and feel a sense of control over the process. Know your BATNA and theirs. Balance empathy and assertiveness when negotiating. Understand the role of emotions in negotiating. Use a friendly style. And learn to negotiate from your authentic best self strengths, not mimicking how someone else negotiates, but drawing on your own self-confidence, your authenticity, your self-efficacy, in order to be the most effective at negotiating. Our homework assignment for this session is a negotiation practice where we're going to ask you to actually go out and undertake a negotiation. This is a exercise that will help you to bring together all of the different elements that we've discussed here. So, we invite you to choose either a friend with whom to roleplay a negotiation, or to actually engage in a real negotiation, whichever one works for you. And we ask you to first think through what is the interest based negotiation questions and tips that were provided, and how do they reflect on your own behaviors. We ask you to reflect on your BATNA and identify their BATNA. Practice and prepare, and once you're ready, we ask you to go forward with an actual negotiation, either is a role play or in reality. When you've done this, we ask you to write your reflections about the experience you had, and what it felt like to negotiate, and how you plan to improve on your negotiations in the future. If you've role played this negotiation, make sure to gain feedback from your partner as well. Thank you very much. [SOUND]
